I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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