I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
