she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
