the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
