no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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