I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
