This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
