I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
