I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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