oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
