How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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