dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
