You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
