Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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