To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
