mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
