How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
