apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We talked him into tasing himself.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
