i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
