it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
