Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
