Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
