its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want her autograph on my taint
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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