I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
