I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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