How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
