tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
