I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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