I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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