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We won't sleep together?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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