I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
