i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
