Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Holy sore nipples Batman
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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