i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
