I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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