There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
