My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
