Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
