Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
