He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
