textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
