my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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