I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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