Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
