My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I won the penis lottery.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize