After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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