i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
