I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
