We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
