Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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