As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
