so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
