I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
