My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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