somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
