worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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