So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
