i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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