I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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