But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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