i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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