you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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