It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
