Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
