forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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