Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
