Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
