Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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