I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
