I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
