your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
