I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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