fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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