i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
